Ewwww... I don't do that.

"I think I've just found the angel I'd like to be touched by."

No. This one is lewd and crude. At least to me, it implies that you want to get busy right away. And I don't know about other women, but I know that I'm a lady, so you better treat me like one.

And if you used this on a girl and it worked, chances are you got an easy one.

Besides, how do you know if I'm fully an angel. I could be more of a little devil than you realize.


I responded to someone. This is what he wrote. "What's your favorite movie?"

This was a winner because it was a personal question that made me feel like he wanted to get to know me for me. Now we see if this works out.

Two-For-One Special on Aisle NO!

• "If you had three wishes, what would they be?"
• My first wish would be for a never ending fountain of Pepsi products in my home, office, and car.  My second wish would be for the man meant for me to make an appearance already so I know who I'm dealing with.  The third is to make Mister Genie Wanna-be to leave me the hell alone forever.  This line is so random.  It's a line we used in the sorority to get to know girls to find out the most about them in the least amount of time.  If I wanted to respond to those kind of questions, I would just go back to the sorority house.
• "How has your day been?"
• What, you already think you know me well enough to ask how my day went?  You really want the first thing I tell you was how stressful it is being a teacher?  No one realizes how stressed we are, and we only want to be asked  how we're doing if we want to vent the stress.  Not really impressive, sultry, get to know you talk.  This is like you skipped the get to know you foreplay and went straight for the kill.  Uh, no.  Not going to respond to you, because what I can tell you will scare you both away from me and away from having children for a while.\

Don't forget to follow the Twitter and leave you comments about your own experiences with really bad pick up lines.

Drop it like it's hot... or just lukewarm

"Excuse me, but I dropped something:  My Jaw!"

And your pride.

It took me a while to stop laughing at this one, because it's one of those lines that probably has a higher success rate in public rather than online.

Online, the jaw dropping comment just seems a bit strange.  Like you can't believe that real women actually are one these sites.  Yes, we exist.  And we deserve the same amount of respect online that we deserve in public.

Best Line Ever.

"If you ever want to get to know each other, feel free to message me."

DING DING DING!  We have a winner!  Finally, a member of the male species that offers up conversation instead of cheese!  I seriously thought that these men only existed in romantic literary works and in Tom Hiddleston.  A guy who wants to get to know a girl and know everything about her.  Such an old fashioned concept.  No one does that anymore.  I was about to start seeing if there was going to be a new National Geographic show titled "Quest for the Mysterious Gentleman"

And here we have a local water hole where members of the male species gather.  See the females gather in groups for moral support.

Our first subject is attempting to gain the female's attention.  Let's listen in carefully to hear his natural mating call. "Hey baby, if I had a nickel for every pretty girl like you I have seen, I would have a nickel."  Ooh, she turns her head away from him, her face showing what looks like disgust.  

Another male approaches.  Will he succeed in gaining her phone number to pursue her as a potential mate?  "Excuse me, but I noticed you were wearing a Dale Earnhardt Jr. charm on your bracelet.  He is my favorite driver as well."  The female seems interested.

But thank you, random dude.  I know now that there are men interested in me as a person, and not just for a fun time.

Directionaly Challenged

"What's up, good looking?"

The sky.  Clouds.  The International Space Station.  The Millennium Falcon.

Who says what's up anymore to be cool or to impress someone?  Someone says What's up to me, and all I can think of is that old Budweiser commerical where everyone says Whazzup!  into each other's phones.

What's up is something I say to my students to see if something's wrong.  Not something I say to someone to impress them or flirt.

Besides, what would you have asked me if you didn't consider me to be good looking?  "Hey.... you... how's... things?"

Promises, Promises

"I have a great pick up line.  How about I tell you in person."

This one is actually quite intriguing.  I mean, it's a pick up line, but not a pick up line.  It's a pick up line disguised as a promise of later.   This guy has game. Granted, I can still shut out his game like a top hockey goalie.  But he's no rookie player.  This guy is like... the Andrew Shaw of pick ups but I'm the Henrick Ludquist of defense.

Congrats, random guy with game.  You actually threw me off and got me considering responding.

If I do respond, I will hold you to the promise.

Slow Line Day #1

At the moment, there are no new pick up lines.

So, for these posts, I will tell you all "lines" that would actually work on me.

"I am Loki of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious purpose."- I am a Marvel nut, and this introduction by Loki in the Avengers is as close to a real line as you can get.  I will respond to this.  Partially because it is an amazing line.  Partially since it was my favorite actor saying the original line.  Partially since the line was written by Joss Whedon.  PS- Bonus points if the guys says it in a British accent.

"You have bewitched me body and soul."- This line by the changed hero.  This movie based on what is considered THE romance novel.  This actor who knows exactly how to inflect his voice.  Again, British accent.  Setting of a sunrise over a misty field.  Love Pride and Prejudice so much.  I will respond to this.

I warned you all that I'm a nerd.  I respond to nerdy things.

Answer to the Most Absurd Question

"Why is a good lookin' person like you still single?"

Why indeed.  That's not something I will tell someone using this as a pick up line.

It's something I tell people to be a warning against opening yourself up to the wrong people.  People who can sense that you were a kind and trusting person.  People who could sense that you had a notion that every man wants to be Prince Charming and a gentleman.  People who take advantage of your sweetness for their own gain, whether for academic, physical, or emotional reasons.

It's something that has made me who I am.  Something that helped me create the standards I use when meeting men.  Something that nags in the back of my mind that there is a strong possibility that I will live my life alone, with my cats and my music.

It's something I use to keep myself safe from heartbreak.  When the person you give a chance in high school to  sleeps with your best friend, after telling you that he wanted to date you for 2 1/2 years.  When you date the guy who gives you your first kiss, and he is too embarrassed to tell his parents he's dating you.  When you think that you find someone in college, and he just wants to use you for your body and tells you that he only said he loved you to get in your pants.  When a guy chooses to woo you with kindness just to be able to hook up with another girl from the sorority, and you find out that he has done this with many of your sisters.  When a guy tells you that his biggest regret in high school was not asking you out, then keeping you on a figurative fishing line for a year and a half just so he can feel power.

I'm still single because I'm scared.  As you can see, my track record has bee full of "Real Winners" (Note MAJOR Sarcasm).  I have had so many of these men in my life that I have become jaded.  I need someone to show me that my standards for men are reasonable.  I need to be shown that there are real, honest, and kind gentlemen in our world, and not just available in the "Extremely Attractive, British, Actor" model.

It's almost insulting when I get asked that question, like it's my fault I'm single.  It's my choice, based on past experience, to not settle for mediocre, because when I do settle for mediocre, it doesn't end well.

So never ask that to a woman, unless you want to know her past heartaches and heartbreaks.  And be warned, if you do ask that, prepare to be depressed afterwards.

So sorry that this post isn't witty and funny, but sometimes honesty is better than humor.  More necessary sometimes.

Repeats need to go away.

"Why aren’t you in jail? It's illegal to look that good."

Do I have to repeat myself on why this one is bad?  It sucks more than my vacuum cleaner.  I can at least turn my vacuum off.

I'm a nerdy girl.  Stupid pick ups don't work on me.  I'm friends with nerdy girls.  Stupid pick ups don't work on them either.

I should start posting some of the ones I personally will respond to.  Granted, they're movie quotes, but they make me weak at the knees.  

Another Oldie.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together."

I think I've heard this one too... back in like 4th grade.  Dear Lord, get it through your head:  If it's clever, it's been done like a million and a half times.  Why is it that this one is still in a guy's repertoire?  It's not original, and a third grader probably came up with it.  If a third grader and a grown up man both used this line on me, I would be more inclined to react to the third grader because it's cute.  With the grown man it leans towards pathetic.  Like Michael Jackson lean, not Leaning Tower lean.

Please, just talk to a girl normally.  We as women feel less attractive because these stupid lines keep getting used on us.  It's like we aren't worth all your effort.  Guess what, not every woman will fall at your feet when you use a pick up line.  Interests go a long way.

One word.

"Why is a good looking person like you still single?"

Standards.  I have standards.  And most guys who hit on me, usually with cheesy, crappy pick up lines, do not meet those standards.

If you are a self respecting woman, you have some form of standards about what you look for in a guy and what attracts you.  And most times, it's what was great about how our fathers treated our mothers.

My dad treats my mother with respect, humor, concern about her well being, and looks at her after over 25 years exactly like he did at the beginning.  I look for the guy who is respectful, has a sense of humor, cares about me as a person, and looks at me like I'm the best thing since sliced bread.  Which in order to sense that look, I believe I am.  I'm not being selfish and over confident.  I have to believe that I'm worth working for in order for my standards to hold up.

So, gentlemen, here is my tip:  Don't ask a girl why she's still single.  Because most times, the truth will depress you.  Instead, ask her if she's single to begin with.  Never assume a girl is single.  That way, when you find out, you already have a point in your corner.

This one should be a felony

"Why aren’t you in jail? It's illegal to look that good."

Because I'm a good girl?  Because I'm smarter than that?  Because that line doesn't ever work, does it?  Because I just got out on parole?

Other than this one just plain sucks, it implies to me that I'm a bad girl.  Sorry, I don't want a Mr. Wickham, because I'm holding out for Mr. Darcy.  This kind of line makes me feel like I'm just another Lydia.  

Besides, I know you're lying through your teeth.

Instead, tell me something specific and honest about myself.  "I'm sorry to bother you, but your eyes just caught me.  They are such a unique shade of blue, that I'm honestly not sure what they are."  Be a gentleman about it, and don't let your first comment be about my rack.

Deja Vu. More like Deja NO!

Only one of the day: "I lost my number.  Can I borrow yours?"

Strange.  I feel like I have heard this one before.

OMG!  Because I have.  Like yesterday.

I'm serious guys.  This line is an automatic no go.  Not only because it's so old that my grandma probably turned down my grandpa because he used this line.  He didn't use the line, but grandma did turn him down.  Twice.  Until he got his game together.  MEN GET YOUR GAME TOGETHER!

It's completely unoriginal.  Like you are a probie going out for the first time and you Google "How to Pick Up Girls" and select the first option.  That works for things like "When the Cubs last won a World Series" (1908 btw).  Not for getting a girl to notice you.

Instead, pay attention to her.  Comment about something specific so you can lead into a CONVERSATION (hey, novel idea).  If a girl is wearing a necklace, ask her where she got it because you want to get something special and unique for your mother for her birthday.  Does it have to be true?  No, but starting a conversation about her is a plus.

If you have horrible moments on Dating sites or in person with pick up lines, leave a comment!

3 in One- Here We Go!

Here are the first three pick up lines:

• Is your dad an astronaut? Because someone took the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes
• Guys, how can you tell this from a picture? Especially since the picture I have as my profile on this site is of me, after work, with a beer, acting goofy. I don't believe you. When you say my eyes sparkle in a picture, I automatically think "Dear Lord, I have Red-Eye". Unless I put some effort into my pictures, which 95% of the time I don't, my eyes don't look great. And my dad's a farmer, so all he did was teach his little girl to not be afraid to get dirty. (Insert innuendo here)
• I lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?
• I think my grandfather tried this one on my grandmother in 1950. And it was old then. Sometimes, oldies aren't goodies.
• If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I would have five cents.
• If I had a nickel for every time I heard a variation of this, I would have more than five cents. And five cents doesn't buy you anything anymore, except maybe to cover the tax at McDonalds. I'm serious, I'm not impressed, and I also think you're cheap because you're asking for nickels. For God's Sake, ask for dollars, they spend better.

INSTEAD- mention that we have similar interests. I would be more prone to talk to you in person if we had something in common, and that doesn't change when it comes to the internet. If you like The Avengers, and I like The Avengers, we can have a conversation starting with the Avengers, and it can lead to other subjects.

Stay tuned for more actually used pick up lines, and don't forget to follow this blog's twitter!

Introduction

I started a dating profile yesterday.  Yesterday, as in the day before today.

And already I have been hit with three horrible pick up lines to get me to talk to these guys.  Seriously, I have had the profile less than 24 hours, and they're horrible!  These guys actually think that these lines work!

And I know that I am not the only woman out there to be actually turned off by pick up lines.  Especially bad pick up lines.

So this blog is going to be both comical and educational.  For the my fellow ladies, it's going to be comical.  And you are welcome to share your experiences with horrible pick up lines as well.

As for the gentlemen, this is going to be your learning tool.  I will be honestly tearing apart each of these pick up lines and be explaining why these suck.  And if you have used these in the past, I'm sorry but using these will hurt your game, and as a woman, I'm tired of hearing these and cringing inside each time I hear, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven because you're an angel."  New ideas will be given, and the ladies you meet will thank you for not using these.

So sit back, because this will be full of ups and downs.

And don't forget to follow the Twitter that goes with this blog:  twitter.com/HorriblePickUps