Clarification

When I started this blog, it was 100% geared towards making fun of the horrible pick up lines I get from different guys on different sites and apps. Because I didn't think I wanted a relationship for real until my job future was secure.

Once I knew my job was secure, I realized I was kinda lonely and most of all missed the companionship that came with a relationship.  I missed the bonding over shared interests, experiencing the other's interests for the first time, and most of all the just spending time together not saying a word.

So when I was invited out with coworkers and was introduced to one of their guy friends, I was open to seeing what happened.  They knew we had lots in common and that we both were nerds of the highest order.  So I thought we really hit it off, and we went out by ourselves a week later.  I had a great time and we had lots of fun, and he never called back.  But it was the kick I needed to realize that I was ready to date, for real.

Thus I took the online dating more seriously.  I still paid attention for horrible pick up lines to post here, but I actually started taking a look at guys for being guys, not for being tools.  And I took a chance with Mr. Magician, and it bit me in the rear.  But someone is out there, and I'm hoping he's online.

I'm still going to do this blog.  But the only adventures I will post will be the horrible and humorous.  If I meet a guy and he ends up being great and wonderful and we begin a relationship, then how it's going is no one's business.  The most anyone reading this will get is me telling you all if I did find someone worth my time and energy.  But nothing more.

So if you're hoping for play by play on every date I go on, forget it.  If you're waiting for a description of a wonderful guy I find, you're not going to read one.  This blog is for humor and sarcasm and reflection.  If you're disappointed, I really couldn't care less.

Spelling Bee Dropouts

I can't remember if I posted about this one, but I have had at least 3 guys in the past two weeks send me the same pick up line, and I guess I have to address it again.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together."

Why rearrange the alphabet when N and O are already together?  This is just pitiful.  You aren't even trying to get me if you use this bad of a pick up line.  It's that bad.  Really, THAT BAD!

Like decades old, these lines were used on my mother and my grandmother.

I even told my mom about a few of these pick up lines, since she's kinda wary about me trying online dating.  And she couldn't believe some of the lines I have gotten, and either didn't post or posted on this blog.  And guess what, she's completely behind me writing this blog about the horrible pick up lines and my bad experiences in online dating.

Because how else will girls know what to look out for, and how will guys know what not to do?  I write about these because someone has to.

There was a reason the Ice Age came around...

This is one of those moments where I'm proud of my tiny audience.  I got sent my first "This bad pick up line happened to me."  And boy... is it a doozy...  

And I'm proud of the reader who had the brains to screenshot this shit!

I gotta say, good job staying in character man.  But it seems you were outsmarted.  If you want to be taken seriously, whether it be for a hook up or a relationship, this is probably classified under "Immature" and "Classless" and "Slightly Offensive".  

But hey, you're the one who made this profile.  And now it's on my blog.  The internet is FOREVER.

Cut the cheese. Seriously, cut it OUT!

"I'm Single and Ready to Mingle!"
Wow.  It's the most cliche and the most cheesy thing I have been sent in the longest time.  What are you, 12?  Serious question, what did you google to think that this would be good to send to a girl?

I would hope that if you are on a dating site that you're actually single.  Like you've never been married or that your divorce is final.  That is what I think of when I think single.  So I don't consider you single if you're seperated, because legally you're still married.  I don't consider you single if you're on a "break" with your girl, because technically you're still in whatever relationship you're in.

I'm over this line already, because it's not new, not cute, and kind of pompous.

My Turn Ons, Installment One

I've been having a slow line time, so I'm going to list and describe three things that I'm drawn to on first glance that doesn't make sense for my personality.

• Beards-  I'm picky about facial hair.  I prefer manscaping over a let go beard.  And quite honestly, if you can't grow a full beard, you need to manscape to what you can grow.  If you can only grow sideburns, a goatee, and a moustache, then scape it into those.  But overall, I prefer facial hair to clean shaven.  So if I had to choose between a manscaped guy with a goatee, a lumberjack who is scraggly, and a clean shaven man, I would choose Mister Goatee Manscape.
• Tattoos-  Not many people understand my attraction to tattoos.  But I'm only attracted to certain tattoos and styles and placements.  Arm tattoos are a definite yes, and neck tattoos turn me off.  I lean towards the black and white and gray tattoos more than color tattoos.  But if a guy is wearing a short sleaved t-shirt, and I can see some black and gray tattoos on his arms, I'm instantly attracted.
• Ex-Military/Military-  I love me a man in uniform, and the thought of a guy being in the military in the past is brave and heroic and super hot to me.  

There you go.  If you know of a guy who fits these basic criteria, send him my way.  As long as he also has a brain to go with everything.  

Public Service Announcement! PSA!

Men like to be told they're pretty too.

Ok, not "You're so pretty." exactly like that. But men like to be told that they're good looking.  And good looking to one person may not be good looking to someone else, but as long as the two people think each other is attractive, why not let them know.  Especially when you're starting out.

When you're starting out, it's nice to tell the other person that you're attracted to them.  As a girl, I love being told that I'm pretty.  Mostly because I never felt pretty.  I was really never told I was beautiful.  Sure my mom and grandma and dad and other relatives told me, but I never heard it from an outside opinion.  I heard all the time that my sister was beautiful by other people, but I never was told.

I wasn't even told that I was beautiful by any of my past relationships.

So I know that when a guy tells me multiple times "gorgeous" "cute" cutie", I like it a lot.  So I reciprocate.  I tell the guy what I think.

Maybe in a future post, when I have another stretch without a pick up line like today, I can list and explain what I find... well... sexy.

Finale of the Magician Saga

Note today on the calendar.

I got closure from a guy about what was going on in his head.  Score one for me.

He agreed to answer any question honestly, so I asked him about if he was lying about cancelling on me multiple times.  He told me he was busy, just lied about how busy. I asked him if he saw me as a date/potential relationship or a hook up.  He said he didn't do hook ups.   I asked him if there was any chance we would have seen each other again.  He said probably not, because he got cold feet.

Cold feet.  About a second date.

You've got to be kidding me. 

Honey, if you're getting cold feet about a second date, you need to take a step back and decide if you're psychologically ready to date people.  Period.  If the commitment of a date, not a relationship, not an engagement, not a marriage, gives you cold feet, you shouldn't be dating a girl and telling her about weeks in the future and taking her to sporting events.  Because then you become a liar.  You're lying about possible future dates, a future relationship.  Because if the thought of bowling with a girl over beers gives you cold feet, you have a long way to go before you're ready.

Safe to say, Mr. Magician is out of the picture.

The Walking Dead? Sorry, no Twinkies, no deal.

"I would love to survive a zombie apocolypse with you."

Ummm.  Ummmm.

First of all, I don't think I'm a great partner for the end of the world.  I've never shot a gun, I can't run very fast, and the only thing going for me is my brain telling me to lock multiple doors and just wait it out.

Unless you know that the person watches a specific show or a specific genre of movie, then don't make up a pick up line that weird if it doesn't fit the person.

Yo hablo ingles. Seriously, I speak English.

Tan solo quería saludarte.  (Just wanted to say hello.)

¡No hay quien se resista a esa mirada tan dulce!  (No one can resist that sweet look!)

I speak English.  If you actually read my profile, you would actually see that everything is in impeccable English.  I really don't want to go back and forth to Google Translate when talking to you.

And because I have to work hard to see you're saying, I'm less inclined to say yes.

Sorry, but I'm just being honest.

Magician part 2

I fell under the spell of the "magician" in the last post.  Just for a little.  But enough to warrant a post of the lesson learned.

After we got past the absurdity of his weak excuse of a pick up, he was a great conversationalist.  we talked everyday.  He would reply to everything I said and I replied to his.  Mine more of a polite thing.

We exchanged numbers, because I didn't want to use my data.   We kept texting and SnapChatting for another week and then we met face to face.  And the date we went on was great.  We talked, we laughed, we drank, we were merry. He also said that I was a very nice person.  Which is what everyone who gets to know me says.   But I said I wanted to go slow because of the fact that the whole online dating someone was new to me.  He told me that was perfectly fine.

Apparently not.

So we tried making plans for another date.  We set a time and place, and he told me to be there.  Day comes, I get a text saying something came up and we have to reschedule.  We did.  I ask him the day before the reschedule if we were still on.  He said yes.  Day of reschedule comes.  He cancels again, no promise of reschedule.  I offer a quick meet up in replacement.  He says he WON'T have time.  Not that he doesn't have time.  He WON'T.

Fine then, I WON'T be texting him again, and I WON'T be SnapChatting him again.  And I WON'T promise that I will never go to his work.  That's what he gets for working in a popular retail chain.  I'll go, and he's going to have to be nice to me there, because that's what he's paid to do.  Be nice and helpful to customers.  Now if he could only use those skills in real life when he's not getting paid.

And if he tries to pull me back under his spell, then I WON'T be swept off my feet again by him.